Disclaimer: First of all I know I might catch a little crap here for being "irrereverant" . But I have had too many expereinces this week for me to keep my mouth shut. When God says speak...you speak. So here I am.
When I first started running...it was SHEERLY to lose the 50 lbs of baby weight I gained with my first baby. I had always been skinny. HOW DID I GAIN 50 lbs?? I hated myself for it. And I ran myself into the ground to lose those 50 lbs. Its wasnt healthy. I know that. But an interesting thing has happened to me INSIDE as I have learned to go from HATING running and only doing it to be skinny.....to actually believing I was and becoming a "RUNNER".
I will never forget my first marathon (and I have not run a full one since). It was an incredible accomplishment for me. To see my husband and my 1 year old at the finishline was breathtaking. I felt on top of the world. And I was skinny again. And I was proud of that. But its the years AFTER that marathon that have changed me. As life came at me I began to deal with my problems not by starving myself, or freaking out.....but by running. Sometimes crying...sometimes laughing...lots of time praying...while I run.
When training for my marathon I had to lean a painful lesson about myself. I was MENTALLY WEAK!!! I was not cofident. I had minimal self belief that I could do hard things. I read the book "the Non-runners Marathon trainer". It taught me that finishing a marathon is JUST as much physical as it is mental. Well crap. I KNEW I could push my body.....but it was my MIND that really needed help. In the book it has you create a mantra. Something to say over and over and over as you run. This was mine.
I am strong
I am beautiful
I am a marathoner
I am not a quitter
I will not stop
I will always FINISH
As I said those words over and over and over I began to BELIEVE that I COULD finish that race. Since that race....when life gets hard....I say those words again. I AM NOT A QUITTER. I WILL NOT STOP. I WILL ALWAYS FINISH. Sometimes....it takes a long time to make it to the finish line. Trust me....the last 5 year with my husband in graduate school juggling 4 kids has been a LOOOONG tearful race. But I am almost to the finishline. (less than 40 days people!!!) and I promise you I will be the crazy wife CRYING at graduation.
The second "Mind game" that book teaches you is to create pictures in your mind. To imagine things that BUOY you up as you run. Do you remember that diet coke commercial with the girl rollerskating by the beach??? That became my "picture". When I got tired I would mentally "pop" a bottle of diet coke. I would imagine those happy little bubbles surrounding me and carrying me forward. I love to roller skate so I would channel those happy feelings...that energy of being on wheels....and propel myself forward. It totally worked for me.
Then...there is
THE WALL. For runners this is their physical and mental limit. The point that you can no longer physically FORCE yourself to go farther. Your legs are numb. Your blisters are bleeding. You want to stop and scream and cry. Or throw up. I've done that too. I found that I struggled getting through the wall. Sometimes it comes at mile 2. ( I always hate mile #2 in every run) Thats just a mental wall. But usually for me its mile 12 or 14....or 18. Ok lots of different places. The diet coke and the bubbles just didnt always do it.
So I started to PRAY. I started to run through my mind the scenes of the life of Jesus Christ. My Savior. Now, its easy in our lives to feel like "who am I to deserve His love??" "Why would HE care that I am trying to RUN 26 miles??" Over and Over and over...He has whispered to my heart "Because I LOVE YOU" Of all the people on earth WHY ME??? Why me on the days that I want to lose my mind taking care of my screaming kids. Why me on the long run when I just wanted A BREAK and time to myself and my ipod goes dead and its dark and cold and rainy and I NEED to run but I just want to cry?? Why me?? Why would Jesus, Savior of the World, Creator of the Earth...care about ME in those moments of my life that mean NOTHING to anything but me.
It has been in those moments of my life....and on my runs...that I realized.
Jesus is a runner. So as silly as it seams. Every time I run. I run with Jesus. I say a prayer and open my heart to Him. And with the rhythm of my feet on the pavement, and the beating of my heart the craziness of life clears....and I listen. It is in those daily "races" that I HEAR Him very best. I become completely lost in my RUN. I get lost in being one MIND, BODY, and Spirit. And I run with Jesus. When the wall comes, and I know it will. I literally put out my hand. And I imagine in my mind Him taking it in His own and running with me. Step after step. Its a breathtaking idea to think of the God of the world matching your steps with His own. Sweating and struggling with you.
But that is LITERALLY what He has done. And if you will let him.....He will RUN WITH YOU EVERYDAY.
There have been times in my life I haven't felt Him there as strongly as others. So I have also learned to picture an angel with wings running behind me...flapping its wings to push me forward (even thought I believe angels dont really have wings). You can laugh..but this is what I KNOW. God cant always come HIMSELF.
But he will ALWAYS send you someone. I see this manifest in my life everyday. Its the neighbor who shows up with dinner, or the stranger who helps you fix your flat when your cell phone is dead, or your friend who calls you JUST because.
Those are the ANGELS HE IS SENDING to RUN WITH YOU.
So today...when you feel ALONE...when it feels like you are running YOUR RACE ALL BY YOURSELF and you HIT THE WALL.....remember this SCRIPTURE
Reach out your hand to Jesus......and
HE WILL RUN ALONG SIDE YOU.
Because my friends...
JESUS IS A RUNNER.
